Entry 00000101: 1 month in...

I started my new job 4 weeks ago.  So far so good.   Everything seems to be going according to plan...    Whose plan?  My plan?  God's plan?  I find it difficult to understand the significance of a plan, when every iota of information that my brain has processed in the last 35 years of my life is yelling at me (hands cupped to my ear), "DON'T PLAN, THEN THINGS CAN'T GO SIDEWAYS."  The utter simplicity of this logic is astounding; If one has no plans, there is no deviation, and therefore no clear path to failure (or success for that matter).  So here I sit trying to formulate a plan for the next phase of my life, my children's life, our life.

I'm staying up late at night (As I have always been prone to do), for fear that some miniscule detail of my life has been overlooked and I somehow need to recollect it all over again, in order to find the straightest path to a better life.  As if this memory or scrap of knowledge will lead to an epiphany of earth-shattering proportions.  Tonight I found that epiphany.

I have reached that crossroads that I think all people come to.  The crossroads that lie deep within the recesses of your mind.  When you come to a point in your life and you decide how the rest of it will end up, and then choose to not plan it to go a certain way; but rather choose to guide it in the general direction and refine as you move along.  I keep going back to this one thought in my head that never seems to escape.  It is the worst thought that I and most everyone has ever had.  And from this day forward, I resolve that this thought will be forever banished from my mental response (unless thoroughly deemed "necessary").

That thought, is one single word that always seems to escape with the thought of achieving the nigh impossible dream.  Would you like me to share it with you?

"Someday" - Damn to all the choices I never made because "Someday" would come.  For all intents and purposes, "Someday" is halfway over and In another 35 years my "Somedays" will be gone. 

"Someday" has come. and it will never leave again.  My promise to myself.  And on Independence Day, that's more than a plan or promise, that's destiny.